I generally focus on my bisexual matters, yet occasionally, I find pleasure in engaging in heterosexual conversations. For some inexplicable reason, upon awakening, yesterday, the melody, or more precisely, the lyrics “Have a baby by me, baby, be a millionaire,” incessantly echoed in my mind as I attempted to pen my morning pages. Consequently, after concluding my writing session, I added the track to my Spotify playlist and embarked on a hike to decipher the message 50 Cent and Ne-Yo intended to convey that day.
Upon listening to the track and viewing its music video, I observed that numerous compositions categorized under “baby-making music” are, in essence, “procreation anthems.” Such anthems not only discuss sex but explicitly mention utilizing sex for reproduction. Hence, the lyrics transcend recreational enjoyment, portraying a vision of familial life and settling with a permanent partner.
In the “Baby By Me” video, we witness 50 Cent articulating, “I need you to grant me… a seed,” insinuating the fortune of conceiving a child with him. The video further illustrates 50 Cent, known as Curtis Jackson, in various domestic scenes, clad in suits and sweater vests—a stark contrast to his usual portrayal in baggy jeans and bullet-proof vests.
Thus, the music video presents a romantic fantasy centered around the ideal of the perfect family, which is dismantled in the final scene when 50 Cent discovers his desired woman already has her own family. After viewing the music video, I perused online comments. Numerous individuals echoed the frequently stated remark, “They don’t produce music like this anymore,” highlighting that the song is nearly two decades old.
While it’s true that such songs are still being produced, procreation anthems are becoming less fashionable. Listening to a selection of tracks in this genre reveals they resonate most with individuals harboring a breeding fetish, those who indulge in unprotected intercourse, or those who perceive a sensual or romantic allure in procreating and founding a family.
However, in today’s climate of economic, societal, and political turmoil, humanity is dwindling, prompting widespread debate over the morality of procreative (and recreational) intercourse. Therefore, I aim to dissect the societal backdrop of breeding, analyze the psychology behind the breeding fetish, and contemplate the future of sex and relationships with a focus on reproductive justice and environmental ethics.
Slur or Slang: Clarifying the Term “Breeder”
Let’s clarify the term “breeder,” as I know the discomfort it may cause some. Urban Dictionary explains that the meaning of “breeder’s”breeder varies by the community employing it. Within the queer community, “breeder” is slang for any heterosexual individual engaging in reproductive sex—a contrast to queer individuals who predominantly or exclusively partake in recreational sex. The child-free community also uses “breeder” to describe parents, often inept ones, who procreate without necessarily excelling in parenthood.
“Breeder” carries implications beyond humans, holding oppressive undertones, particularly in discussions of animal breeding and within contexts of classism or eugenicism. From these explanations, it’s understandable why some might view “breeder” as a derogatory term towards heterosexuals. Yet, labeling it a “heterosexual slur” seems overly stringent for a vernacular term that doesn’t empirically harm the heterosexual populace.
Thus, I propose considering “breeder” as slang rather than a slur, especially given that other slang terms and colloquial expressions, such as “bitch,” have their acceptable uses within certain circles but are deemed inappropriate by others. This distinction between slur and slang is pivotal, considering “breeder” finds relevance within numerous sexual subcultures.
Exploring the Breeding Kink: From Traditional Procreators to Erotic Fantasies
Having delved into the significance of the term “breeder,” let’s shift our focus to the breeding kink. For the uninitiated, breeding represents a fetish predominantly found in heterosexual couples, though the desire is not limited by sexual orientation or gender identity. Essentially, this kink or fantasy can manifest in two distinct forms. In one scenario, a cisgender male deposits his sperm into a cisgender female with the intention of conception. Alternatively, there exists a broader longing to either fertilize or be fertilized by a partner, making the kink’s appeal not necessarily about the outcome of pregnancy for all involved.
The allure of the breeding fetish has surged online, where terms like “submissive and breedable” have emerged as both popular memes and flattering descriptors. This fascination with breeding injects a novel interpretation into “Quiverfull Christianity” (nudge nudge), enjoying a surge of interest within BDSM circles for its compatibility with primal urges, dominance, and submission dynamics.
Within this narrative or fantasy, one participant assumes the breeder’s role, wielding breeding as a means to claim dominion over the body of another. This power dynamic, where the breeder commands authority, underscores the fetish. While embracing a breeding kink is entirely valid, I’ve always had a particular aversion to R. Kelly’s “Half on a Baby” within the breeder ballad genre, a sentiment I couldn’t place until a video on the topic briefly captured my discomfort.
In the explanatory piece “What is a Breeding Kink” by Arouser, Sexologist Elaine S. Turner elucidates that the essence of the breeding kink lies in “securing ultimate control over another individual. One achieves total dominion over their partner’s body and life through impregnation or breeding.”
Given the revelations surrounding R. Kelly and his prolonged mistreatment of women, the unsettling undertones of the song become clearer. Additionally, the video sheds light on how many individuals with a breeding fetish also grapple with attachment anxieties, including fears of abandonment or past traumas involving separation.
The Dilemma of Baby-Trapping: From Erotic Desires to Manipulative Tactics
While numerous individuals indulge in the breeding fetish for the sheer pleasure of semen play (without any intention of kink-shaming), others are driven by their fears of detachment, leading them towards the concept of “baby-trapping.” This tactic, aiming to cement a connection through the conception of a child, might involve women intentionally neglecting their contraceptive duties or men eschewing protection or resorting to stealth tactics to achieve impregnation.
Reflecting on “Baby By Me,” it’s intriguing how rap and other musical genres perpetuate the notion that birthing a child with a wealthy man is a strategic move for women, as though parenthood offers a simplistic solution to life’s challenges. Yet, narratives seldom address men who deliberately seek to impregnate women, driven by a breeding kink or the motive to baby-trap. It’s crucial to acknowledge that while baby-trapping is predominantly observed in heterosexual relationships, it transcends gender, sexual orientation, and reproductive methodologies.
“Eighteen years, eighteen years/She got one of your kids, got you for eighteen years” — Kanye West, “Gold Digger”
As previously discussed, numerous individuals have children to forge a semi-permanent or lifelong bond with another person. Likewise, some introduce children into their lives purely out of a desire to have someone forever connected to them or to ensure they have someone’s care and attention indefinitely. This craving for continuous connection might stem from a dread of isolation or an aspiration to maintain dominance and authority in someone’s life. Seen through the prism of power and control, baby-trapping emerges as a strategy to derail one’s life trajectory and narrow their choices.
While baby-trapping is commonly examined within the context of personal relationships, its relevance to reproductive justice is equally critical. Politically, baby-trapping underscores the rationale behind using legislation to restrict access to birth control as a means of manipulating citizens’ lives. As demonstrated by feminist movements, people are less inclined to engage with global happenings when preoccupied with work and childrearing, making it harder to mobilize against socio-political injustices.
Rethinking Reproduction: Ethical Considerations and the Close of an Epoch
Feminist movements have also highlighted that reproductive justice extends beyond the battle for birth control. Since the 1970s, organizations such as Sister Song and the National Black Women’s Health Project have championed reproductive justice not just as the right to access healthcare and safe contraception methods but also the liberty to choose parenthood (or opt against it) and the assurance of safety in reproductive decisions.
Reproductive justice is vital because unwilling parenthood is a prominent predictor of adverse financial outcomes, given the high costs and demands of childrearing. Consequently, statistics reveal a growing preference among couples to remain childless. A CNBC report titled “Why More Americans Are Going Child Free” spotlighted the increasing prevalence of DINKs (Dual Income, No Kids) households.
For many in younger generations, opting out of parenthood is considered a financially prudent decision, allowing for more significant disposable income in the short term and financial independence in the long run. However, I consistently challenge the economic or capitalist motivations behind such life choices. Instead, my interest has been piqued by the debate on the ethics of procreation in the face of climate change.
In environmental ethics, scholars like Jade Sasser have explored how issues of environmental justice—such as access to clean water, safe living environments, and nutritious food—impact reproductive decisions, as these factors are essential for raising healthy offspring. Climate change, too, has fueled considerable concern over reproduction, with many opting against having children due to uncertainties about future global safety.
For numerous academics, having children has always posed an ethical dilemma. In the essay “Environmental Childlessness,” Mathilde Krähenbühl encapsulates the principles of deep ecology and environmental philosophy by asserting that while the decision to procreate is seldom questioned, “childbearing demands more rigorous justification than choosing childlessness.”
The predominant endorsement for childbearing in today’s climate crisis seems to originate from economists, human rights advocates, and eternal optimists who view procreation as an inherent societal benefit. Conversely, various communities and antinatalists argue that bringing children into a deteriorating world is both immoral and unethical.
Nevertheless, a balanced perspective is crucial, and the decision to procreate remains deeply personal. Regardless of your stance, I hope this discussion prompts you to contemplate the ethics of reproductive (and recreational) sex on your terms. And if this message resonates with you, I encourage you to approach procreation responsibly.